"Double Consciousness"

 

 

I don't know about anyone else but I was raised to think of myself as a "Black American". My mother who is black herself refused to accept the term "African American" because she felt that we are not derived from Africa. My father used to say she had a “white” way of thinking. She is highly homophobic, racist, prejudice, and all about putting on the illusion of a high class white woman. While my father was very relaxed about the changes taking place in life. He felt everyone should love, be loved, and except one another. However, I on the other hand have a lot going on between my mother and father I am consider "Mixed Race". My mother is Black, Native American, and White, while my father is Cuban, Creole, and French. This confused me tremendously. Felt like every day I walked into a culture crash. I would bring my black friends around my father's side of the family and pretty much speak predominately Spanish, and a slight hint of French. Then we would hang out at my house with my mom and its good old fashion English. I never really saw a problem with this until I moved away from home to college.

I, for whatever ever reason, decided to go to Valdosta State University. In my first (and only) year there, a black girl was strangled in her dorm (they tried to cover it up), a high school black boy was beaten and stuffed into a gym mat (tried to call it suicide), KKK were recruiting new members (completely out in the open), and I was harassed every night by whites in a pick-up truck. This definitely was a major culture shock from Atlanta. I was not considered mixed I was just straight black and unwanted. This caused be to change I started slacking off at school out of fear and just being put down every day. I even gain a slight yet still noticeable case of paranoia to whites.

Like most of my peers I am still at the stage I my life where I am trying to find out who I am. Many different factors come into place such as gender, race, culture, sexuality, and even occupation. However the weight of the world seem to kind of collide on top of you. One may feel torn in really understanding their true identity. You begin to feel like you have two separate identities, or that it is divided onto multiple facets. I personally loved W.E.B Dubois’ insight on “Double Consciousness.” He speaks on his perspective as it relates to African Americans. He simply states that “White America” see “African/Black Americans” in an overall negative light, and then we ourselves constantly deal with the being hated and being stereotyped (however not entirely whites fault, for we do feed into these same stereotypes daily). This post really made me more conscious about myself, my actions, and this world I live. Dubois also helped me to become one step closer to finding myself.