A Double Consciousness of my Own

W.E.B Du Bois creates a standard of a double consciousness for the people of two origins. Many people of a mixed origin within the United States feel that they have to live up to a certain standard. They believe that they have to grow up as an American, but also feel the need to stick with their roots. Du Bois describes the process of an “American Negro” as he tries to change his self to a single whole persona while trying to keep from losing his old selves. He explains how it feels growing up, not being able to see oneself except through the eyes of others. This leads to an extremity of self-consciousness that one would then try to correct oneself to be seen acceptable in the way other people vision it.

As a first generation Korean-American, growing up in the United States had its hand on my personality. I grew up in the dominantly white area of Alpharetta prior to its change into Johns Creek. Throughout elementary and middle school, I associated myself with the white kids to fit in. I played with the white kids during recess and afterschool, and only associated with them. The only times that I saw myself surrounded with other Koreans, or Asians, was during church. I attended a Korean church ever since I was born. Because of this double consciousness growing up, I felt like I did not truly belong in either group. I was not white, so I did not belong with the white kids, and I hung out with only white kids at school, so I did not know how to correctly interact with the other Korean kids at church. This double consciousness created a hardship for me growing up. Throughout high school, I had a fluctuation with what groups I associated myself with once again. In class, I cliqued with the white kids, after school I hung out with the black kids, and on the weekends I spent my time amongst other Korean kids. This standard growing up created a gap between my Korean heritage and me. I do not know how to speak Korean well, and traditions are iffy to me. This gap increases as time goes on and I no longer see myself as Korean, but as a Korean-American. Slowly and slowly I am beginning to see myself as an American, and slowly I am losing my connection to my Korean heritage.

Du Bois’ double consciousness is a tool that opens the reader’s eyes to the double lives some people have to live. He demonstrates how living in a place where the culture is not originally one’s own can affect the person. How no matter how hard one tries, he will always be two separate parts of one and not part of the whole.