Flaming Hot Cheetos and Chocolate!

Hot & Spicy! 

A match made in heaven! Around a certain time of the month I have certain cravings and Flamin Hot Cheetos combined with any chocolate always does the trick! 

The chocolate makes my taste buds intensify. It makes the Flamin' Hots even more spicy. I always buy the big 99 cent bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos with either Snickers, Twix or Reese's. The best combo to me though, is Twix with the hot chips. I don't know if its the fact that it's like a cookie or because of the amount of caramel inside mixed with chocolate but it always compliments the hot flavor of the Cheetos. 

Even the Cheetos compliment the sweetness of the chocolate. Each time I take a break from stuffing my face with chips i take a bite of the chocolate and it gets sweeter every time. 

The best part to me is the end when you still have the salt left over on your fingers from eating the chips and the melted chocolate on your finger tips. I always take a moment and realize that the end is coming so to keep the taste lingering I lick the salt and chocolate off. Talk about finger lickin' good? Its the best I don't know how I found this delicious combo but I'm glad I did!

Cheez-It + Chocolate

There are many combinations in the world which just work, whether it be due to some divine force, or to marketing tactics, we as consumers find many combinations to be perfectly natural. Peanut butter and jelly, ketchup and mustard, ham and cheese, the list can go on for some time. What makes these combos so great? why should we have to be chained to the archaic idea of a "classic combination"? I believe that its time that we as consumers, as eaters, as humans break free from the oppressive notion of classic combinations and realize that there is only one true "Perfect Combination", and that is when the almighty Cheez-It is paired with Milk Chocolate. Nothing can compare to the delectable concoction, of sweet, salty, and savory which is achieved with this combination. Many describe their first experience with the combination as "dream like", "religious", and some have reported to notions of achieving nirvana. with that said, there is no reason to not allow yourself the most perfect of all food combinations. For one, Cheez-Its are delicious alone, as is Chocolate. Add in the fact that it is relatively cheap to acquire these treats in large quantity, and one truly has no excuse to not indulge.

Coming in super late: Peanut Butter and Apple Butter Banana Sandwhich

Why is this combination so good? Simply because peanut butter and apple butter plus bananas make a tasty quick treat. Whether you are home alone bored with nothing to do or need a re-boost this sandwich will change your life. Each component in this amazing sandwich contains nutrients your body needs. But they also give your taste buds a celebration to remember.

I started this creation in college when my mom sent me peanut butter and I just happen to buy bananas and apple butter the day before. Out of complete curiosity I combined peanut butter and apple butter. The taste was so good I added bananas and thus heaven was born. This sandwich typically made with apples inside was replaced with bananas because of my food allergy. But I guarantee if you put all three of these ingredients together your mind will be blown.

I won't go into much detail but here are the healthy reasons to enjoy this sandwich: peanut butter is considered a healthy fat. When eaten in moderation the body will treat it as such. Peanut butter also contains manganese and vitamin B3 (niacin). The bananas are filled with potassium. I'm not a total health nut because surprisingly apple butter is the least healthy choice. Yes it's made from apples but it contains sugar. YUMM! Apple butter is actual good, it's healthier than jelly and has a small amount of fiber.

Now to hit you with imagination! Imagine taking a bite out of this and being hit with the sweet smoothness of the apple butter mixed with the either crunchy or smooth creamy peanut butter and enjoying the banana for its own awesomeness. Don’t like bananas? Try just apple butter and peanut butter together. Don’t like peanut butter? (well that sucks) but you can always use your favorite jelly or just do bananas and apple butter. I do recommend trying apple butter first it’s delicious on toast, fruit, and cheese.

This sandwich is better than other weird food combinations because it’s fun to enjoy, quick to make, and beneficial to the body. The key component is peanut butter because it can go into so many different dishes. However, I enjoy it for its more plain uses like sandwich spreads.

Why should you try it? If none of the reasons above convinced you then think of it as this: It serves as tasty seasonal treats great for any occasion. It’s a good meal for those not so creative in the kitchen and if your dog just so happens to get ahold of it he will enjoy it as well. This sandwich appeals to all ages. No matter if you’re a toddler, child, teenager, young adult or adult this can fill tummies with its happiness.

I recommend this weird food combination to anyone and everyone. It’s one of the best moments you could create for yourself besides just eating a banana. There’s not much I else I can say for this sandwich expect to go and try it for yourself!!!!

Cucumber Peanut Butter Sandwich

To all you peanut butter lovers, I have a new way to enjoy the simplicity of a peanut butter sandwich. All you do is add freshly cut cucumber slices! The garden-fresh cucumber adds a bit of a crunch and a fresh twist to the sandwich. Personally, I think to enjoy it, you can’t just sort of like peanut butter since it’s the main component that you taste. To me peanut butter is the go to ingredient to make snacks different. I’ll add peanut butter to almost any snack like fruit, smoothies, Oreos, or sometimes a simple spoon full of Jiff’s Natural Peanut butter will do the trick. When eating a peanut butter sandwich, I typically add some sort of fruit or fruit jelly, but for my last sandwich, I decided to switch things up a bit. According the VegWeb, a vegan friendly website, adding cucumber to your sandwich simply gives the sandwich a little kick. I think it lightens it up because peanut butter is to thick and the cucumber’s lack of strong taste evens it out.  Cucumbers have a lot more to offer than they are given credit. They are a great substitute for chips or crackers. They are cold and firm so they can be dipped in humus or ranch dibs. Even just eating them by themselves is good, so naturally when the idea to put them on my peanut butter sandwich came up, I was all for it. 

            I think it easily became on of my favorite combinations of food!  I can just cut up a cucumber, stick it in my peanut butter sandwich and I have a healthy delicious snack with me wherever I go. It’s a perfect snack to eat after school, on the go, or after rock climbing. Typically jelly is turned to when making a sandwich with peanut butter in to but cucumbers is a much healthier alternative. Cucumbers are good sources of vitamin B, so it’s perfect for a pick me up, and they are mainly made up of water. Plus peanut butter is an easy source protein making this a perfect for after a work out.

            Just recently I have been introduced to this creation. I didn’t surprise me this existed since celery and peanut butter are a common combination; cucumbers were boned to be next.  After trying the sandwich, I continued to dip the slices in to the left over peanut butter and I liked that more than putting it in to a sandwich. The ratio is better so the peanut butter is toned down a little more. Most people I tell about my new discovery automatically discard the idea of it being good but the refreshing qualities of a cucumber make it a perfect side kick to the stickier, think peanut butter. Even my mom, who doesn’t like odd combinations, gave it a try and enjoyed the new snack.  This is a food combination not to out of the ordinary yet still unknown to the public, yet such a healthy way to enjoy a healthy sandwich.

Pickles/Frosting/Society/Innuendo

I know this is supposed to be a fun last blog-post, but I'm not a big food guy. Consequently, this assignment has put me way out of my depth and left me feeling confused, angry, and hopelessly depressed. As a defense mechanism (and page filling mechanism) I'm going to approach this blog-post with such searing austerity as if it were about fiscal policy or human rights, and will only disrupt this very serious tone to make room for the occasional clipart of a pickle with sunglasses on...   

...but enough of that frivolity. The augmentation of the pickle's natural zesty kick with frosting's tender and innocuous embrace has too long been overlooked by today's so-called epicureans. The pickle is a hardy, stalwart, and distinguished ingredient whose modest appearance, culinary versatility, and unaccountably ridiculous name has made it paramount among produce and earned it a special place at the heart of a generation, but we as a society have failed to truly appreciate this tangy miracle of nature. For centuries we've insulted this illusive green beauty by playing it safe, only using it for salads and sandwiches and as unadorned finger-food. Meanwhile, frosting waits neglected and unfulfilled, just sweetness on top of sweetness, all the while longing for a flavorful contrast that could realize it for the latent sensual powerhouse that it is. Anyway, you should try it, that'll make one of us.

"The A La Carte Canape" prepared by The Shit Chef

Let me start off by saying that I am known as an experienced, even expert foodie.  I serve up exquisite platters of nontraditional flavor combinations that world renowned chefs such as Mario Batali and Rachel Ray only dream of concocting. Many critics refer to me as “The Combination King”, “The Sandwich Sultan”, or “The Prince of Panini Production”. Upon seeing my wide array of premium ingredients in my college fridge and infinite selection of imported seasonings in my dresser drawer, a friend rightly states, “Someday you will prepare sustenance for the gods”.

                Now, as I previously implied, I specialize in unorthodox dishes (mostly light, well balanced sandwiches). I live to combine a variety of expensive meat cuts, aged cheeses, freshly picked veggies, and home-made condiments between baked breads to generate my famous club sandwiches. Today you will all be graced with the presentation of one of my many secret recipes: “The a la Carte Canapé”. Thank me later.

                I begin the sandwich with two lightly toasted slices of one of my most cherished ingredients: Wonder Bread. This soft loaf does not lack flavor, and is the heart of the creation. Next, I lather the bottom toast with my divine condiment creation; it includes mayonnaise, ranch dressing, sweet relish, a dollop of YumYum sauce, salt, pepper, more salt (YOLO), ketchup, and finally dashes of Frank’s Red Hot to taste.

                Let’s discuss meat selection. A key component to a sandwich of this caliber is the well balanced, meaty flavor. I start with the pork. Fold 4 slices of ham (water added variety only) on top of the condiments  (be sure to avoid including the salty, distasteful fattening cut of the pig: Bacon). Then I add two slices of bologna and one light scoop of spam for texture. Add ground beef or hamburger. Don’t forget about the light meats. After all, the sandwich is considered a well balanced snack. Choose from your choice of turkey and chicken cold cuts (I prefer to add both).

                Egg and cheese are a must for all of my creations. These ingredients are necessary because the sandwich needs protein and a small amount of fat. For the A La Carte, I crack one egg into a bowl, scramble it, and add salt and pepper. Next, I place two slices of provolone on top. The next part is important. You need to hone in on your inner chef senses and find the correct balance of heat level and time for your microwave. Cook it too long and the egg and cheese will make a mess in the microwave (not cooking the egg long enough may make the sandwich distasteful and/or cause vomiting/food poisoning. The microwave will not be the only hot mess).

                Now we move on to produce. It is imperative to include dill and sweet pickled cucumbers, black and green olives (soaked in salt, obviously), caramelized red onion (use canola oil to caramelize), and sauerkraut. Optional additions include fresh tomatoes and lettuce.

                Scrape the rest of the home-made sauce onto the other slice of toasted wonder bread, place the toast on top, and add a toothpick to hold the finger sandwich together. Voila! Your first of many decadent delights. You’re Welcome?

One meal coming up: Heart Attack in a Bowl ($13.99)

Warning: Do not attempt this as the amount of sodium and other ingredients will cause a significant decrease in health but a huge boost in satisfaction.

          One meal that I would go for when there is nothing else is a cup of ramen and a bag of boiled dumplings. This is the best meal to ingest on any day, considering your diet is going to take a HUGE nosedive towards the red. All of the ingredients you can purchase at any Asian supermarket and are cheap as you can purchase a 12 ramen cup set for about $5 and a dumpling package for $6. The nutrition in this meal does cover the basic needs for your body for the day while having the ability to kill you. So I say that's a good trade-off. Basic nutrition vs. chance of death. YEAH.

          To make this the best meal, you need to prepare it my way. MY WAY IS THE BEST WAY. First, you have to add water/seasoning to the Shin Cup and heat it up in the microwave for 7 minutes. and then 5 minutes. RADIATION OVERKILL. Or you could heat it in an actual pot for 20 minutes and let it sit so the water can be soaked through by the noodles (Remember to add the seasonings). While that's happening, take out (another) pot and add water and place it on the stove so that it heats up. When it bubbles like crazy, add the dumplings and stir so they don't stick. When all the dumplings have risen to the surface, pour the water and dumplings out in a strainer and rinse with cooler water so it doesn't stick post-boil. When all of this is done, add the ramen and dumplings in a bowl and eat it. When finished, make sure you check your heart rate as it may be irregular due to the sodium overload.

Or you might just up-chuck. Either way works

          Despite the unhealthiness of the meal, this is a cheap way to get your nutrition without spending too much money. More importantly, IT'S FREAKIN' DELICIOUS! If you hear about any sales that happen in an Asian supermarket near your location, you need to purchase as many ramen cup sets and dumplings you can carry. The cheapness of the meal and the basic nutrition is the best combination this food combo has to offer. That is, considering you don't suffer from a heart attack or up-chuck your meal.

                                                                                                                        - Nikki "Nikolas" Pham